Hosting a Wake or Visitation at Home: Seating and Setup

When someone dies, the house you grew up in or the home of a grandparent becomes the center of the family. Neighbors bring food. People come and go over several days. Some families hold the wake or visitation in a funeral home, and some at home, because it feels right. If you are hosting at home, small choices about chairs and space can make the days easier for you and the people who come.

There is no single way to do this. Customs differ by family, faith and neighborhood, whether it is a rosary in a Polish bungalow, a wake in an Irish family's two-flat or a gathering after a service in a Mexican or Filipino home. This guide is about the practical side: where people sit, eat and put their coats. It sits beside our guides on funeral repast planning, celebration of life receptions and shiva house setup.

Think in rooms, not in tables

Seating that works for every age

People visit in short and long waves. Some stay 20 minutes, and some sit all evening. A common rule of thumb is to plan seats for about half of the people you expect to be there at the same time, and let the rest stand or move between rooms. For a visitation with 60 people in and out, that might be 30 seats.

• Elders and people who can't stand long get the best chairs, near the door and near the family, with arms if you can. Chairs with arms are easier to get up from.
• Immediate family often sits together. Leave a small cluster and don't fill it with extras.
• Leave aisles at least a walker wide. Don't line chairs so that people must squeeze past knees.
• Use a mix. Folding chairs for the edge of the room, a few padded ones near the family. See how many chairs do I need and our chairs.

Chairs fit well on a bungalow's front room or a two-flat's parlor, but count the doorways and stairs first. A long narrow gangway and a third-floor walkup change how furniture arrives.

A food table away from the walkway

People bring food. Plan one table for it, near the kitchen and not the entrance. A 6 foot table with a cloth, plates, napkins and forks goes a long way. A second table for drinks keeps the line moving. A coffee urn is a good idea in the cold months, and the fall and winter in Chicago call for something hot.

• Put out small plates and napkins, not a full place setting.
• Keep serving spoons with each dish.
• Ask a cousin or neighbor to refill, clear and keep it tidy so the family doesn't have to.
• Keep cold food cold. See food safety at home parties.

Linens can make the table look calm. A plain white or neutral cloth is a safe choice.

A quiet room

One room with a few chairs and soft light gives family a place to step away. A bedroom or a den works. Keep it free of food and conversation. Put a box of tissues, a pitcher of water and a few cups there. Tell people it is there, but don't announce it.

Coats and shoes

In a Chicago winter, 60 people means 60 coats. A rolling coat rack in the entry saves a bed full of coats. See coat racks for winter events. If your family removes shoes at the door, put a mat and a bench there, and a few shoe racks.

Rentals that can come fast

When there is no time, call early in the day and say it is for a visitation. Many companies try to help on short notice. Common orders are:

Rules of delivery are the same as other events. Have someone at home during the window. See what to expect on delivery day.

What most hosts find out too late

• Rental companies can often move fast, but not always. Deliveries on holidays and Sundays may be limited. Call early in the day, and ask for the first available window.
• The number of people changes by the hour. Order a few more chairs than you think. You can send extras back, and you can't conjure them in the middle of the evening.
• Pickup can wait. Ask for pickup a day or two after, when the family is ready. Don't let a pickup window land during a service or a meal.

Small things that help

• Put a guest book and a pen on a small table near the door.
• Keep a list of who brought what, for thank-you notes.
• Ask one person to be the contact for the rental company, the caterer and the neighbors.
• Use a celebration of life planning checklist to keep track of the details.

For more on this kind of gathering, see memorials and services.

We can help with the list

If you need a quick order, book a free 15-minute planning call or get a quote. We will check the date with the rental companies and handle the list, so you can focus on your family.