Shiva House Setup and Meals: A Practical Family Guide

When someone dies, the house of mourning becomes both private and public: close family need quiet, and a stream of visitors arrives with food and condolences. The pain point is that no one has capacity for logistics. Chairs, meals, a schedule for prayers, and basic supplies all need handling. This guide is for the family and for friends who want to help, and it offers practical choices that you can adapt to your own customs.

What shiva is, and how practice varies

Shiva (meaning "seven") is a mourning period that begins after the burial for the close relatives of the deceased: parents, children, siblings and spouses. Mourners stay at home, often at the home of the deceased or a family member, and the community comes to them. Visitors bring food, offer comfort and often join prayers. Many Orthodox and Conservative families observe the full seven days (with a break on Shabbat), others observe three days or one, and some Reform and secular families adapt the practice. Some cover mirrors, wear a torn ribbon (kriah), sit on low stools or chairs, and light a memorial candle that burns for the seven days. Some families do not do these. Every family and community differs, so follow your rabbi and your own comfort.

A meal of consolation (seudat havra'ah) is traditionally prepared by friends and neighbors when the mourners return from the cemetery, and mourners do not typically cook or host during shiva. Visitors typically do not greet the mourners, wait for the mourner to speak first, and avoid small talk.

Setting up the home

What to set up

Seating. Provide enough chairs for visitors, as shiva visits can bring a crowd. If your family uses low chairs or stools for mourners, set those out. Folding chairs can be borrowed or rented, and a rental company can often deliver within a day. Check comfortable chairs for older guests for options.

Memorial candle. A seven-day candle is lit at the start of shiva and kept in a safe place on a non-flammable surface.

Prayer needs. If prayers are held, you may need prayer books (siddurim), kippot (head coverings) for visitors, and a quiet place for a minyan, which in traditional communities requires ten adults. The synagogue often supplies books and helps organize.

Food table. A large table for dishes, a coffee station, water pitchers, plates, cups and napkins. Many families have so much food that they need a second table or a refrigerator plan.

Entry. A mat for shoes, a coat rack, a guest book and a plan for parking.

Supplies. Paper goods, trash bags, extra toilet paper and tissues. Disposable plates and cups reduce cleanup, and many Jewish homes that keep kosher need to keep dishes separate, so ask.

Meal and supply plan for a week

Many friends use a shared sign-up sheet or a meal calendar so food is evenly spread, so the family isn't overwhelmed one day and starving the next. Ask about kosher rules, allergies and a no-meat or dairy preference.

How friends can help, step by step

Etiquette for visitors

Arrive during posted hours, stay briefly, and let the mourner lead the conversation. Bring food that is kosher if the family keeps kosher, ideally in disposable containers. Avoid flowers in traditional homes, as many families prefer donations or food. Dress modestly. Turn off your phone. Share a memory of the person. A note or a donation to charity in the person's memory is a customary gesture. After shiva, keep checking in, since grief continues long after the visitors leave.

Chicago-area notes

The Chicago area has many synagogues and chevra kadisha (burial societies) that can help with shiva logistics, from prayer books to minyan coordination. Some funeral homes and congregations also lend or rent chairs. Winter shivas call for a coat plan and parking; neighbors may need to be told about the visitors. For a larger home, a rental company can deliver extra chairs, a table and linens on short notice, but ask early. If you need a hall or a larger space, our guide on celebration of life reception rentals may help, though it is less traditional. Contact your synagogue or a Jewish family service for further support.

Free download: Celebration of Life Planning Checklist

The Celebration of Life Planning Checklist helps with the practical side of a gathering, including chairs, food and helpers. Families and friends can use it to organize a shiva week without adding stress.

Get the free Celebration of Life Planning Checklist

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When you know your guest count and date, request a quote and we will build a list of tables, chairs, linens and tent options from partner rental companies. If you would rather talk it through first, book a free planning call.